well, it has been one long year since i've been on IM. i cannot believe it. it seems like everything and nothing has changed all at the same time. there are so many good friends on here, i find my heart aching at the thought of not knowing if you all are alive and well or not.  please leave a comment and tell me how i can reach you.

as for me, God has blessed me beyond what i deserve. i recently returned from a mission trip to the bahamas, i know you think, how can this be? what a fake way to say VACATION! but truly, those precious natives are far from vacation land, theres not even a walmart!! :) i was on the island of andros, the larges island, and i think maybe 500 people live on it. we held a VBS there, with a women's bible study class,  a young mens class, a high school, middle school, elementary, and nursery class. i co-lead the elementary class, and it was an absolute blast! these kids are FULL of love and energy, so many connected with us and clung to us the whole week, and they have a lot of bible teaching but so much room to understand the personal relationship with Jesus and why that is better than what the world has to offer. christianity is new to the island in the last 50 years. they are very open to the gospel. it is a refreshing change from the US.

i will write more later too when i have more time, there is too many wonderful memories and i do want to record more! Seth and i are alive and well in Maine, and it is a beautifully mild summer with walks and hikes and white water rafting and gardening and beaches and all the wonderful activities of the northeast.

Much Love, Summer Nicole

well, i have been MIA long enough!!!! i offically profusely appologize for this, but i am internetless (is that a word??) hee....and i dont know when or even if i can remedy this deadly problem :) so for now, i will have to plan on infrequent updates on here for all my friends who are wondering if i am dead or alive. sorry! *insert embarassed face*

 

 i am now living in Maine, just an hours drive from the coast. who would have thought? it is amazing, a truly wonderful state and i live in a very hilly area with a gorgeous view that for the first time in my life has made running outside FUN! its fairly mild weather too, which is good because i have my own CLOTHESLINE (yes, i am now a country girl). so, the pace of living is slow and that is a very good thing. i can feel my stress level decline and my risk for heart disease lower with every breath i take.

 

 

 

 

i come from a house ruled by women, and my dad was not in my life for the majority of my life. so at many times, i find myself not knowing how to respect the men in my life even though i want to!! so, i am asking, even begging for some input.

 

 

This is a very personal blog to me, but nonetheless a milestone in my walk with God. a time where, if i accept Gods challenge, i will never forget.

so i've been meditating on Ephesians 4:31-32, which says:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, & slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

 

whats really interesting about the Bible, as many of my christian friends can attest to, is that you can read the same verse over and over again and then one day BAM! the Lord speaks to you, in that specific time of your life about that verse, and it practically jumps off the page!!! its amazing. and thats what happened to me with this verse.

i have a very bold and outspoken personality. and fortunently, i have a lot of friends that bring out the best in me, so i cant say that this is an issue with a lot of people. however, when i DO get my feelings hurt, its not pretty. especially for the other person. and i know God wants me to "love" others, but that doesnt just mean making up after i've hurt someone who has hurt me.

so,i realized all the "bad" words in the verse i did not really know exactly what they meant, but i thought huh, they MUST be different or why would he have gone on and on to make sure and list so many? so here they are:

calmor: a vehment expression of discontent or protest

bitterness: cynicism; causing a sharply unpleasent, painful, or stinging sensation; HARSH :)

slander- false & malicious statements or report about someone

malice- a desire to harm others or to see others suffer

whew!

thats a lot of bad stuff. and, sadly, i can see many of my own attitudes in those definitions in the problems i am having. i think if i am honest, i might have said (in those hurt moments), well, i have the *RIGHT* to express all the discontent i am feeling, or be cynical/negative if it feels true, and if it comes out harshly, well thats how i'm feeling! and furthermore, if someone hurts ME, then i wouldnt go so far as to HARM them, but if they suffer a little bit because they know what a bad/hurtful thing THEY did, then maybe that will teach them a lesson!

YUCK!

and of course, feelings are not a sin. but what we do with them are. so when i have these types of feelings, i need to "put it away from me", hmmm lets see what some other versions say. another says "stop" and "DONT", "get rid of". ok so the point is i see that its just a simple decision. DONT be that way. well that is tough but obviously reasonable and the only right thing to do. otherwise, i will just be living for myself, thinking i have the right to any expression of my emotions/feelings regardless of the other person.

i guess in the past i have not been careful enough about this verse. outside of my ex-husband (which was a constant state of anger almost), i have always tended to think that if i got angry, it was rare and for a very good reason and that i could express that, even if i did it in a negative way, with the above thinking going on. but, rarity doesnt justify behavior.

these days, i'd say i'm rarely angry..usually its just feeling tense or defensive or hurt. i think mostly hurt. but, its so important how i respond.

well all this stuff is hard for me, honestly. i am very challenged, but also motivated. motivated for 3 main reasons. #1 i believe God has specifically brought this to the table in my life NOW so that i can live a life free from this sin. and i feel honored by that, because i know God does not give us more than we can handle and for Him to bring up such a problem when i am 27 (i mean i could be unaware and doing this for another 40 years!!ew!!) but, He isnt, Hes saying right now, summer, i want you to be more like Me. Here is the bible, heres what it says. and i want to obey so badly!!!!

and of course there is also  Seth, and when i have hurt him, it has really made me feel BAD. i really hate hurting him because i dont know how to be peaceful. i am so sad that i have picked up such bad relational habits that this is such an issue. i really dont know if i have EVER been aware of this. *sigh* but, what it comes down to is that if i am going to love a man, i have to love him like Jesus, not my version of love. 

 then, #3, i know this will affect the kind of mother i am. and that is very important to me. my main complaint against my mom was her harshness and her conditional love. and i can choose. to be my own version of that, or let the Lord own me and shape me into a different kind of vessel. i choose Him.

Song of the day: Love takes time, by bryan duncan

 

Have you ever been Lied to,maybe mistreated
Taked for granted till you just can't stand it
Were you ever mistaken,thought to be someone
That you just can't be , where's the love you need

~Chorus~

Love takes time
Please be kind 
See every Part of me
Cause i wanna be love
Love an't blind, ties that bind,take on eternity

Would you like to be trusted for once in your life
Carry that fire without burnin each other
Are you easily angry,can you bury your pride
Could you ever forgive me and not keep it inside

~Chorus~

Make a sacrifice sometimes,maybe more than you planned
Don't you hate to go through the pain it takes to make a stand
A hardened heart or a heartache,to admit that you're wrong
Though it's hard,it hardly matters if that love is gone
Make a scarifice sometimes.....

~Chorus~

 

 

Hold On

She's a wreck, fragile and scarred
Life is work and living is hard
She's tired of the pain, tired of the fix
She's tired of the games and the politics
She's running on empty
She wants an alternate ending

And she's falling,
She's falling in love with You
She's so hopeless,
She's hopelessly drawn to You

She can feel the weight of the past it drags her down,
But she's fighting back
She wants to fly far away from here
She wants a God that won't disappear
She's all out of chances
She is looking for answers

And she's falling,
She's falling in love with You
She's so hopeless
She's hopelessly drawn to You

The sun is on the rise
New days coming
You see it in her eyes
She's runnin'
Head long into the light
Let the new day come...